Ups and Downs

When they told me at the NICU that it would be a roller coaster ride I didn't realize the ups and downs would be so dramatic. I expected a few dips in the road, but not like this past weekend. The middle of last week was great for Charlotte. On Wednesday Charlotte was having some difficulty with her breathing tube - either there was a leak or it wasn't in place correctly, no one could tell exactly - so the doctor decided to take it out and see how she did breathing on her own. With a very nervous mommy standing by they took out the breathing tube, turned off the ventilator and my little girl was breathing on her own! We were warned that it's very rare for babies this tiny to be able to stay off for a prolonged period of time, but every day that she can be off the ventilator means less damage to her lungs. Charlotte was able to stay off until Friday afternoon. Just long enough to be held twice by her mom.

The first time I held her in my arms and I got to really experience how tiny she is, but she cooed at me and had her eyes open most of the time. I have to say that was probably the happiest moment of my life and one of the few times during this experience that I really felt like a mom. The second time I held Charlotte was on Friday and they stuffed her down the front of my shirt so that she could "kangaroo". I don't know how well known "kangarooing" is, but it's a method developed in South America as a way of keeping premature babies warm through skin-to-skin contact. Supposedly it's very effective in keeping their heartrate and breathing stable. It was kind of an odd sensation for me because I couldn't really see her and it felt like someone had put a hamster down my shirt.

Shortly after I held her for the second time she started to show signs of distress, so the staff put her breathing tube back in and put her back on the ventilator. Basically all weekend long she's been fighting a pretty nasty infection and she's been very sick. All of her cultures have come back negative, which sounds like a good thing, but it would be easier for them to treat her if they knew exactly what they're up against. The last 24 hours have been better and while it's going to take her awhile to recooperate from this episode we're happy to finally see signs of improvement.

So, as we have been, we just take things day by day. Actually, more like hour by hour.

Brian and my father have made quite a bit of headway on our family room (formerly the attached garage). Almost all of the insulation is up and they've started drywalling the ceiling. Hopefully by the end of this weekend all of the drywall will be up and Brian can start taping.